Wednesday, October 1, 2014
SKYCURSER: Die a Hero
Sunday, September 25, 2011
BOSS RUSH SPECIAL: Gears Of War 3
Gears Of War is very much like the product of when you let a 5-year-old boy cook you dinner—they go into the pantry, grab the canned frosting, marshmallows, chocolate chips and cereal, toss it all in a pot and turn the heat up full-blast. Smoke fills the house and sets off the alarm. You rush into the kitchen—your son is kind of scared, but is smiling from the thrill of creating a cataclysmic event from his own budding creativity. You want to yell at the stupid kid “WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!” but then you remember that it was YOU who agreed to let him cook dinner in the first place. What were you thinking?
Your son stares up at you: he’s got his mother’s big brown eyes. You feel like a real jerk. You ask yourself, “What would a father character in a quirky movie about modern family life do this very moment?” You grab a spoon and stare down into the chocolaty, gelatinous abyss. It’s a bit scorched on the bottom. The marshmallows on top are only half-melted, but it looks more than eatable and you’ve got a bit of a sweet tooth.
“Why wouldn’t this be good? It’s melted chocolate, cereal bits, frosting, and marshmallow. I know I shouldn’t, but fuck it. I’m going to eat this. I’ve always wanted to make and eat something like this but was always afraid to...”
You sit down at the kitchen table with the pot and a couple of spoons.
“Thank you son for cooking dinner tonight. Now, go grab us some grahamies from the pantry to spread this on…”
So yeah, I’m alluding that Gears is that bubbling cauldron of sweet goo, thrown together by Epic Games—the industries biggest band of overgrown 5-year-old boys. Much like your son’s dinner, Gears 3 is an amalgamation of rich, sugary goodness, with a few burnt patches on the bottom of the pot.
Thanks for making dinner Cliffy B., now go grab some grahamies from the pantry to spread this on.
Graphics: (****) Heavy-Metal Harryhausen, deep-fried and double-glazed.
Story (*) About as sincere as a love letter from a convict doing time for double-rape.
Music (*) Nothing is “badass” about a symphony orchestra.
Gameplay (***) Like playing football with water-balloons.
Shotguns (*1/2) Firing a shotgun into a monster at near-pointblank range should never feel like a pillow fight.
Bosses (**) Bugs (literally) you stomp over and over again, but refuse to die.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Demon's Souls: How hard was it?
It wasn't any more difficult than the majority of RPG's I've played throughout the years. Grind for experience, gradually venture out in small increments and life is dandy. You don't follow the traditional baby steps needed to progress it's practically game over before you step out of "insert name" town. I found it to be just right. Not to hard, but hard enough to make me not throw caution to the wind. When I think of a hard RPG, I think of Final Fantasy Tactics.
Alright, enough with the difficulty. Let's get to the what DS did right and what it could have done better. The massive environments are foreboding and desolate, creating a sense of isolation. Everything you do happen to encounter is trying slay you. The combat is well paced and character customization shines in battle. The character and some of the monster designs are are pretty incredible; i.e., the Tower Knight.The soundtrack is one of the best I've heard but rarely does it play outside boss battles which are far and few.
The best aspect of Demon's Souls is a double edged sword. The rewards and punishments for exploring unknown territories quickly becomes addictive. Finding a rare weapon or running into a red eyed knight that will drain your health with one spear thrust is invigorating. On the other hand, exploring the 5 worlds gradually becomes monotonous. Enemies are in the same spots, reacting the same way, every time. How many times is this dredgling going to surprise attack me from behind this stockade? It grows old quick as you can imagine.
While the dialogue is well written and the voice acting is very well done, there is little interaction with other characters. This just seemed like a big waste too me. Minus having pure black or white tendency you will hardly encounter anything beyond a world's set pattern of enemies. It takes most players more than one game to bring about the conditions needed to meet NPC's such as Executioner Matilda.
If anything, you'll get a unique experience. I've never played an RPG that combines 3rd person hack and slash along with platforming elements as this game did. If you own a PS3, give Demon's Souls a shot. You may not love it, but you'll like it. Continue Reading...
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
BOSS RUSH: STAGE 5
Halo Reach(***) This is a smart, impeccably designed game from a developer that once thought it’d be cool to have an Incubus song play during a climatic space battle.
Geometry Wars Galaxies (***1/2) Video Game Hero.
Muramasa: The Demon Blade (**) A gorgeously rendered spreadsheet.
Okami (***) Probably could have been one of the greatest games ever, had it ended.
Luigi’s Mansion (***) A whole game of Mario haunted-house levels starring Luigi with a Ghostbusters backpack is, without a doubt, the cleverest thing Nintendo’s ever done.
Call Of Duty: World At War (****) Survival Worror.
Gears of War 2 (****) Cliff Bleszinski is the Walt Disney of giblets. This is his theme park.
Metal Slug 3 (****) Forget the arcade. It belongs in a museum.
Dead Space (**) Should be expelled for blatant plagiarism.
Ninja Blade (**1/2) An epic, modern-day laser-disc game, crippled by shoddy parts you actually have to play.
Assassin’s Creed 2 (*1/2) A jack-of-all-trades, that isn’t good at any of them.
Space Invaders: Infinity Gene (****) Sent to bullet-hell and back…
Continue Reading...Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Old Classic RPG Revisit: Warriors of the Eternal Sun
Developed by Westwood Studios, the team that created the Eye of the Beholder series, brings to you a rich fantasy experience with tactical game play both turn based and real time. Set in the TSR universe, more specifically the Hollow World campaign setting, many gamers for the first time are presented with a new style of RPG. Players generated their party from the start of the game, further customizing their heroes with different classes and attributes.
Conventional D&D style portraits can be seen in the top picture with classes easily discernible from a quick glance. The expected mage, thief, cleric and fighter classes are all there with the choice of race to further match classes chosen keeping it true to the D&D rule set. I beat this game around 4 times (I have an unusual tendency to beat games an even number of times) yet always chose a well rounded group for my party consisting of a cleric, mage, and a 2 fighters or a fighter plus a thief.
The game play was tactical and more resembled a game of chess in comparison to the likes of Phantasy Star or Final Fantasy. Non dungeon battles were from a bird's eye point of view and turn based allowing the choice of character to melee or use ranged weapons such as spells and bows. The first person point of view that was utilized when entering dungeons is similar to the Eye of the Beholder series. For instance, real time battles in the dungeon setting forced players to react quickly using ranged attacks before the enemy closed in and then abruptly alternating melee attacks between each member in the party. I haven't played this game through in 17 years yet I still remember key encounters, how to beat the green dragon by spamming the same spell, and several secret alcoves.
The graphics are very well done with a variety of expansive environments in both the dungeons and open world sections. Westwood pioneered a unique look for Warriors of the Eternal Sun. Everything from the character portraits to the intro screen still bring a smile to my face after all of these years.
One of the areas the game is lacking is the story. It's a little cut and dry and the dialogue is sparse which would stand out less if other aspects of the game were less polished. For a game set in the TSR universe, it's a bit of a let down in story department.
The music is medieval themed and compliments the overall tone of the game the best it can with the hardware limitations.
(5 star scale)
Graphics ****
Sound ***
Gameplay ****
Story **1/2
Warriors of the Eternal Sun is really that good. Even by today's standards I would recommend this game as a great western RPG to check out.
Continue Reading...
Friday, September 10, 2010
REVIEW RUSH: STAGE 4
AvaGlide (****) Kills two of Nintendo’s birds with one stone, for only a dollar.
Trials HD (**1/2) The perfect puzzle/party game for drunkards.
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves (***1/2) A modern day Time Crisis 2.
Breakers Revenge (****) Street Fighter 2 for the arthritic. You’ll be able to play this, and be good at it, well into your 70s.
Little Big Planet (**1/2) Only an adult child could fully appreciate this tedious play-set.
Afterburner Climax (****) Back in the Old Country, you’d have spent $20 for a thrilling afternoon with this game in the arcade. Now your president is black, and the game is yours to keep for $10.
Madworld (**1/2) Akin to running into a haunted attraction and beating the shit out of all the actors.
House Of The Dead Overkill (*1/2) A heinous act of game vandalism.
Resident Evil 4 (****) At the very least, the best game ever made about a guy who shotguns monsters.
Geometry Wars: Retro Evolved 2 (****) A scrumptious bowl of neon cereal that stays crunchy for infinity.
Shenmue (****) Sega’s tearful farewell to video games.
Continue Reading...REVIEW RUSH: STAGE 3
Def Jam Icon (**1/2) With its head in the clouds and it’s heart in the right place, this game could have been a Shenmue-killer, instead it’s just playing Barbie for boys.
Big Bang Mini (****) There’s bullet-hell, then there is this; a bullet- party, with cake and ice cream.
New Super Mario Bros. Wii (*) A shameless cash-in with total disregard for its pedigree. Feels like it was made by frightened interns.
Battle Fantasia (****) Its heart is bigger than it’s character select-screen and combo-meter.
Mirror’s Edge (**1/2) Tragically overwrought and second-guessed when it should have just been about running and jumping.
50 Cent: Blood on The Sand (**) Has the vigor and intent of a celebrity porno tape.
Loco Roco 2 (****) So sweet it should come with a toothbrush.
The Beatles: Rock Band (***) Amazing by default, but in the end, it’s a cover not as good as the original.
Photo Dojo (**1/2) This little stocking-stuffer is the coolest game ever, for about 45 seconds. Then it’s just neat.
Bayonetta (****) “A Japanese aircraft loaded with explosives and making a deliberate suicidal crash on an enemy target.”
VVVVVV (****) Kinda makes you wonder why games weren’t this good 25 years ago.
Rhythm Tengoku (****) A rhythm game with no white people involved.
Continue Reading...